Chapter One

AN: Yes, another one. Just letting everyone know from here on out, these posts are going to be ridiculously long. Enjoy!

Chapter One

The sound from the alarm woke me up before I was ready to start my day after one of his visits, but is was something I was almost used to. Before opening my eyes I could feel myself fall back into my body. I felt heavy, and awkward as I pulled the covers back and rushed to put on my clothes for that day. My vision was in disarray while I wandered down the hall to brush my teeth and hair, and then back into my room, reaching my desk I retrieved my glasses and my school bag. Once my glasses sat on my nose, aiding my green hazel eyes, I inspected myself in the mirror. The jeans and tee shirt with a classic hoodie were staples of my wardrobe. My shoulder length strawberry blonde hair had turned out better then I thought it would; I had managed to put it in a ponytail while keeping the natural part. But I missed a good portion which hung neatly beside my face. I contemplated if it was a conscious effort or whether it was a mistake with pleasant consequences as I double checked my bag for everything I would need that day. I wandered down stairs into the kitchen. My mother had made coffee as usual, and was enjoying a cup as she read the morning paper. A bagel was ready for me along with my lunch, and a paper with my name on it. It took a moment to register that it was a permission forum for the class field trip later that month. Grabbing the paper and stuffing it in my bag with everything else I headed for the front door.

“When will you be home?” My mother called from the table.

I had already begun walking out the door when I answered, “Don’t know.”

“Call!” And I was off towards the end of the street, the bus already waiting for me. I picked up the pace despite my foggy state of being and boarded the bus. Several of my class mates were all ready waking up to music, some were catching just a few more minutes of bliss before the beginning of another day at the local high school. I took my seat towards the front next to the window like every other school day, staring aimlessly as the wheels of the bus turned. Mechanically I pulled out my music player and put in the head phones. I found a suitable song, and turned up the volume.

By the time the bus arrived, I was little more awake, but still somewhat dazed, I followed my usual route to drop my things off in my morning class and then proceeded to the typical location of where my friends congregated before the first bell. It didn’t take me long to find them, or for them to spot me. Joining them, I felt myself slowly come to life.

“Jeez Darcy, you look more dead then usual.” It was Samantha, we’d been in the same class since second grade, even then I was not a morning person. Shrugging in acknowledgement I leaned against the closest wall. It was a comfort to feel something so solid as I glanced amongst the small clique I had made my home with.

“I think I know what you should be for Halloween, Darcy.” It was Catie. I smiled at her, and shook my head.

“I am not going to be Mr. Darcy, I actually did it last year, and once was enough.” Chuckles came from most of the girls as they too recalled how year after year Catie plagued me to be Dr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice-my favorite book. The memory of showing up to our school dance dressed as a man was the more probable reason for the burst of life among us. The bell rang after several minutes of incoherent chatter, and then we went our separate ways. Classes came and went just like any other day, I took notes on subjects, and passed notes in gibberish. When it came time for lunch, my friends and I reconvened, with several additions. Sitting down with my paper bag and my sketch book I began to eat with one hand and doodle with the other. I listened to the laughs and the talk as I always did. It wasn’t until Michelle came to sit beside me, leaning in to see my drawing that my attention was caught.

“You’re drawing him again.” Was the soft comment. Being an artist herself, Michelle loved to see other’s work. Art was something she wanted to do for a living, any chance she could gain inspiration she would grasp it. The art teachers came to expect partnership between our projects, mostly because we often shared the same vision. This was probably the most reason behind our close friendship.

“Well, he actually spoke coherently this time.” I answered, concentrating on his eyes was a task in and of itself. How do you make a portrait when all you have is shadows?

“I thought you talked every time.”

“We do, but this was different.” Satisfied for the time being I moved onto his lips, also a challenge.

“Why, what did he say?” Worry. I knew how to recognize it like most other people couldn’t, especially when it came to Michelle. While we were close, Michelle was very private in the same way I was, she didn’t like to talk too much.

“He said ‘be ready‘, and he called me by name.” I looked over to her now. Her posture was very relaxed, he face calm, but it was her down cast eyes that gave her away.

“He never calls you by name. Did he say what to be ready for?” A few finishing strokes and I had finished another facial portrait of what I titled “Man in the Moon.” Signing my name and blowing away the excess lead, I dated my sketch.

“No.”

We didn’t talk again until our art class towards the end of the day. Taking our seats next to each other, we waited as roll was called, and then went to work. Being in an advanced art class had it’s perks, we had more freedom to do what we wanted as long as it followed the theme of the project. But today was a free for all. This month we were playing with acrylics, which I found exciting, yet frightening. I liked the prospect of acrylic paint, but doing new things always made me nervous.

We were well into our outlining before she spoke.

“Hey, Darcy?”

“Hey, Michelle?” Looking around our canvases we smiled quietly before continuing.

“Seriously now. What are you doing this weekend?” I was working on a tree in the far left. I had known what I wanted to paint before Mr. Tomas even gave us the assignment.

“Judging by your question I’m doing something with you that I am unknowingly committing to simply by assuming such.” I got a kick in the shin for that one, but thankfully I had guessed her reaction and stopped sketching. I snickered at her, moving my bangs from my eyes. “What did you have in mind, Michelle?”

“Catching a movie, spending the night, bumming around town, maybe hitting the book store?”

“What is it our anniversary already?”

“Not until next month Darcy dear.” I smiled at her through my canvas. I was lucky to have a friend like Michelle, I knew. Not everyone would go along with my jokes, listen to my strange dreams, or understand what I was thinking when I wasn’t saying anything.

“What time should I be there?” I peeked around to look at her, I wanted this painting to be somewhat realistic. A simple smile was on her lips, as if she knew I had just changed my mental image of the assignment.

“I was thinking around six, I’ll see what’s playing.”

“We could always stay in and order pizza.” I offered. I liked having a back up plan just in case something fell through.

“We’re not that old yet are we?” Pulling my chorale away I looked around at her with pseudo-annoyance, but it faded when I saw Michelle’s expression. Her auburn locks fell down her back like an endless river, her ocean eyes were soft but focused, an easy smile on her lips as her strong hand moved across the former blank cloth, while her other hand rested comfortably on her lap. I watched her for a moment before continuing my own work. We sat together for the rest of the class in an easy silence.

My last class of the day was Physical Education. A number of members of my circle shared my class, and we had chosen to be in a special class that focused on dance. With the year-round rain, and restless teenagers, dance was a big part of the towns activities. Per the usual all of the girls lined up on one side of our gymnasium, with the boys facing us.

“This is my favorite part of this class, by far.” Catie whispered to me with a giggle as she inspected the other half of our classmates. I chuckled more at Catie then with her. Her dark brown hair and even darker brown eyes had a big contrast with her naturally pale skin. But she was tall and slender, never really knowing how much people wanted to be around her.

“It’s just because you’re not nervous around guys, considering we all hang out with a third of them to begin with.” It was Stacey, who spoke up this time. Turning to my other side Stacey was be far the shortest of us, but she was also very petite in her figure. Stacey’s hair resembled the color of cherry coke at the moment, and her ever changing blue-green eyes were mischievous.

“Like you’re Miss Innocence.” I shot at her, gently nudging her with my elbow. With the comment, she gave me her most innocent look, and I couldn’t contain my laughter. As much as I loved Stacey, she was always on her own path, whether is was a good idea or not. But in a strange way I knew that if I ever wanted to be utterly, unconsciously wild, I would have a partner in crime. And that was a strange, I’ll abide, a comforting feeling.

Mrs. Brown, our teacher blew the whistle and class had started. We started with the basics that everyone knew, trading partners every dance or so. About half way through the class, I was paired with a boy whom I knew all too well.

“Nicholas.” I said shortly as he took my hand.

“Darcy.” He spat back as he began to lead me in the beginning steps of a beginners waltz. Several minutes of classical music passed between us before we broke the silence with a series of laughs.

“You lasted a lot longer then I thought you would.” He congratulated me.

“I’m very proud.” I informed him. The music was easy, but we knew this dance almost as well as we knew each other.

“I didn’t see you much this summer, where’d you run away to?” He asked as he twirled me round and round in a more complicated sequence.

“I went to visit my cousins in the mid-west, and then my grandparents in Washington.” I paused as he dipped me almost to the floor, and then pulled me up with his well trained arms, and round we went. “How about you?” Another dip.

“I saw family too, but they came out here.” The song had ended and so had the dance, and but we didn’t move when it was time to switch partners. This time it was a tango. “Was it the aunt and uncle that vowed they’d never come back?”

“Nope, my Dad’s side this time.” Back and forth, back and forth. “It was their first time in Oregon.” Twirl, step, twist, twist.

“What did they think of our humble abode?” I allowed a dramatic air to enter my voice, causing him to laugh.

“Well, they didn’t vow to never come back.” The music switched back to a waltz. We smiled knowingly and took a step closer to each other. Mrs. Brown like to keep us on our toes, in every sense of the word.

“So there was some definite improvement, then.” My voice held hope for him was he swung me from one side of the other with expertise.

“Improvement is a good way to put it.” I was back in front of him, and I took the opportunity to get a good look at him. His hair had grown out of it’s traditional summer cut with his dark bangs almost covering his grey eyes. It was apparent that he had spent several long days in the sun, probably helping his father with his business, playing with his younger brothers. For a moment we were almost too close, but I was saved by the bell. The annoying ding dong brought me back to present day, the disappointment in his eyes was all too familiar.

“I’ll see you next class Nick.” I pulled away and went to grab my bag. He followed me, consequently his bag was right next to mine.

“Let me walk you home.” He was on the verge of pleading. I looked up at him with apologetic eyes. I guess I had failed to see that he had grown again this summer.

“I can’t, I’ve got canvas.” I slung the bag onto my shoulder, hoping that my reason would suffice.

“I’ll carry it for you.” He countered.

“Paint.” His hope crashed as his eyes fell. We both knew that Autumn was in full swing, and I couldn’t risk my project getting wet.

“Another time Nicky. Promise.” He seemed to perk up a little at my promise.

“See you tomorrow, Ace.” I let him walk away first. When he was out of ear shot I sighed. Why did things have to get complicated so fast? We were barely into the second month of school, and I could already smell potential drama. With a final shrug I hurried off to my art class to grab my hunk of cloth and then to the bus. As teenage life would have it, it had begun to rain in our little town, and now I had Nicholas to think about along with everything else. Taking my seat I decided I was so not ready for this.

Stepping off the bus at the end of my day was usually refreshing, by that time I was ready to get my homework out of the way so I could focus on the things that I really wanted to do. My mother wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours so I have the house to myself. An up and down of being an only child is that I was by myself for the majority of the time. Unlocking the door was almost a depressing ritual, entering the empty house was even more so, but only for a second or two. Making a routine pit stop in the kitchen to grab whatever liquid was available I then made my way up stairs. Setting the canvas against my desk I tossed my bag onto my bed and sat down at my computer. I quickly checked my e-mail, and a few blogs I kept up with before buckling down.

By the time my mother returned home I was half way through cooking dinner. She of course, just like every day, changed out of her suit and heels and wandered back down in sweats, and her book of the week. After helping herself to a glass of wine, she helped me silently with dinner. While I set the table is when the conversation began.

“How was school?” My eyes met my mother’s face. She was a tall woman even without her stilettos, her hair was a brighter blonde then mine, a sharp nose, and rather dull hazel eyes compared the to green in my own.

“It was school, nothing too new.” I continued the mindless task of setting the table, moving the food from the kitchen to the informal dinning room adjacent to it. Setting the remainder of her wine on the table she grabbed the last of the food and then we sat. Even though it was just the two of us, my mother insisted on having dinner together when she wasn’t traveling. She also insisted on eating full, healthy meals. My mother and I were a rather odd pair. While we shared our looks, it was about the only thing we shared, with one exception: books.

My mother had instilled in me the importance of knowledge, and information. She always preferred biographies, or historical fiction, or at least realistic fiction. But I was all about the fantasies. I enjoyed a number of fiction, mystery, and suspense authors, but fantasy had always been my favorite. Most of my artistic inspiration originated with the books I read. And for that I was grateful, but when it came to talking with her, even just small talk, it was difficult. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to talk with her, it was that I felt like I couldn’t. Like she wouldn’t understand where I was coming from.

It wasn’t like that with my Dad though. I felt my spirits drop just a little bit further. Playing with my salad I thought about my father. Things didn’t last with my parents long, and neither one would really say why. They usually answered with some b.s. about how they were young, and how they just didn’t really fit together. Which I understand the latter, I suppose. It was just difficult when the one parental figure that you feel the most comfortable with is always traveling around the world. But I didn’t hate him. He called when he could, never missed my birthday or any major holidays. He was a good father all things considered.

“-Nicholas today?” It was my mother’s voice, bringing be back to the dinner table and to the conversation I was hoping to avoid.

“I’m sorry what, Mom?”

“Did you run into Nicholas today?”

“As a matter of fact I did. We have last period together.” I tried to let my tone do the talking for me. And it worked for a couple of minutes. We had moved onto the main course before she started.

“Do you think he’s still interested?” My head shot up faster then any jet plane she had been on. Her eyes had all of a sudden taken a great interest in her pork, and she wasn’t moving. I had to be careful here, she knew she was stepping on sensitive ground, but then again so was I. If I didn’t watch what I said, there could be some very uncomfortable consequences.

“Mom, it doesn’t matter if he’s still interested.” That got her attention. “We’re better off as friends; I know it, he knows it, and you should know it by now too.”

“Is there someone else?” I was curios as to why it mattered all of a sudden, this wasn’t her wine talk, this was something different.

“Why does there have to be someone else for it not to work out between us, mother?” She was never very good at hiding things, but she was crafty. Not one of my mother’s better traits, especially when it came to her daughter.

“I just thought you two meshed so well. It broke his parent’s hearts when you two only lasted that summer. Broke my heart too.” Her voice was every part the nosey parent, and nothing irritated me more.

“I didn’t know your heart was available to be broken.” That got her. I knew I should have apologized, if only to avoid trouble. But she had started this, and I was going finish it. “Mom,” I attempted at some recovery. “I know that you, and Carol, and Mike all loved the idea of Nicholas and I. It was a great summer, and a great build up the whole year prior, but things just didn’t work out. Kind of like how you and Dad just didn’t work out.” Without warning her fists flew down onto the table almost as fast as my head had snapped up moments before. She was angry now, fantastic. Fan-tastic.

“You and Nick are nothing like me and your father. Don’t presume to know what happened between us.”

“Well it’s not like you give me much to go on. You won’t even told me how you two met, or when!” Now I was mad, great. “Don’t get self-righteous on me, mother. Nick and I are only fourteen years old, and you had the wedding already planned. We’re in high school, kids date, and they break up. That’s the way it works. Everyone should just be grateful that Nick and I managed to keep our friendship despite the fact.”

“Young lady if you don’t want to end up grounded for the next two weeks then you will watch your tone with me.” I glared at her, this always happened. Something that shouldn’t even be a big deal, but she has to go and make it one, and then I wind up getting punished. I took a deep breath and remembered my plans with Michelle. As angry as I was, I wasn’t about to lose some quality time with her because of a stupid fight. I sat back in my chair for a moment, and just let the steam slowly leave. When I was sure I wouldn’t say anything else I looked back up at her. She had her ‘I’m the Mother’ face. Perfect. Shaking my head, I finished my dinner and then cleaned up silently. By that point I had nothing to say to her. I should have known better then to say anything, but as much as I cared for Nick I was tired of everyone talking about him. This encounter during and after class filled my Nick tank for a least a week, but I knew I would see him twice more before the week was out. Once the kitchen was clean I headed back up to my room. I took extra care not to slam my door close, although I wanted to. I looked at my art project and quickly concluded that I did not want to work on something that held such meaning when I was in such a foul mood. Sighing, I ran my hand where wood met cloth. I had been so motivated to work on my project, but now…

My fists clenched together in frustration, and without as much as a second thought, I went to my closet and changed my clothes. I traded my jeans for sweat pants, and my tee for a tank. With my music player in one hand, I pinned my once free bangs to the side of my face. I switched my Vans for Puma and closed the front door behind me. For the first time I was going ignore my regular stretches, at that moment, I just wanted to run. So I did. I started around the neighborhood, towards the school, around the park, through the college campus, and then back into the center of town. Once I had reached the square to stopped to drink from the fountain, and then to breath. I could feel the sweat pouring down my back, streaming down my face. Looking around I decided that the square was too open, not that many people would be around since most of old town was closed for the night, I still wanted some privacy. Heading back into town at a jog I headed north to Delaney Park. The small town I resided in had three parks, this one in particular was the biggest of the group. Thanks to years of experience, I managed to avoid slipping down the dirt path. I continued to wander the park at a determined walk. My mind was exploding with too many things that I hadn’t braced myself to think about.

The man in my dreams. He was a friend-to some degree, I knew. He had been with me since I was a child. But the night before was strange, he had seemed unwell, almost as if he had been worried about something. I knew that dreams were wispy, and not exactly substantial. But last night had been so different, it felt so real, I could clearly hear him use my name, something that never happened.

Nicholas. That thought cause me to pause, resting my hands on my hips. I knew deep inside I hadn’t completely gotten over Nick. I grew up with Nick, he knew everything about it, and I him. I spent so long harboring feelings for him, that when we finally managed to get together, it was almost worse than not being together. Everyone had known that we preferred one another, but they also had their own ideas of how we would be as a couple. I could still remember how I got lost in what everyone else wanted, and forgot to simply be happy with Nicholas. I lowered my head, recalling the day things ended. As brief as I allowed the memory to be, it still pained me some.

And then there was Michelle. Rubbing my face I found I had wandered back to the entrance to the park with it’s stone ledge and sat down with a thump. Michelle had been there the entire time when things went haywire with Nick, and looking back she had been the only one without some crazy expectation. The more I thought about Michelle during those months, the more I remembered how she had pulled away from me, just every so slightly. She didn’t seem to laugh as easily, when she smiled her lips never reached her eyes. When I talked about Nicholas, she only half listened. As I realized how I had been so inconsiderate, I also began to wonder why she’d never said anything. In a flash the answer was falling into place in front of me, just like the missing pieces to a puzzle when I heard someone calling my name. Turning around, I saw the silhouette of the person I had been thinking of only moments ago. My insides were torn between relief and distress, but my face showed neither.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him as he sat down beside me.

“Well, I was coming home from studying with Paul, and I saw you head down, but didn’t see you come out so I was about to come looking for you.” I nodded, it was just like Nicholas, I even smiled. “So, what are you doing down here anyway? You know that everyone would freak if they knew you came down here alone.” I opened my mouth to answer him when a chill ran down my back. The sweat from the work out was starting to do it’s job. Seconds later I felt Nick put his jacket around my shoulders, I gratefully accepted it, and murmured my thanks.

“I was out running. You just happened to come down as I was about to take a rest. And everyone shouldn’t freak out, because I know I’m not going to say anything, are you?” I eyed him in a mock threat. The laugh that emerged from his throat was enough of a promise. Settling into the jacket made me realize how much Nick had grown that summer, it also made me wonder if I had changed as much as he had.

“What did she say?” Coming down from adrenaline always made me dopy for a minute or so. Confused I asked him to repeat the question. “Your mom, what did she say?”

Blinking out of the dazed I turned to face him. “What makes you think she said anything?” He knew he was dead on, but I knew I was cranky and didn’t want to discuss the topic again if I could get out of it.

“Because you’re running at ten o’clock at night in Delany Park.” Damn, at times there were down falls to having someone know you so well.

Sighing, I let my eyes fall as I responded. “Well, if you must know. It was about you.”

“About me? What about me?” I couldn’t pinpoint the tone of his voice. There was urgency, confusion, worry, and probably a mix to at leas a dozen other emotions that my brain was not capable of processing.

“She’s still up set over the whole, us not being a couple any more.” I started to shift around. I knew this conversation was going to come up at some point, but I had still allowed myself to hope that it would just fail to come up. All the same, I convinced myself to be grateful for the lack of an audience.

“Oh, she is?” Nicholas tried to come off casual, like he didn’t care as much as he did. But I knew how much he cared, although I almost wished I didn’t.

“Nicky, she had us walking down the aisle the second she found out.” I began trying to explain, my eyes had found the grass by that point.

“Is that why things didn’t last, you couldn’t stand your mother actively approving of something you were doing?” Shocked and hurt I looked up to meet him. His eyes appeared to have found the grass too. My shoulders slumped, this was hard. I wanted to comfort him, to help him understand where I was coming from. But I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea either. Putting my face in my hands I took a deep breath. I pivoted my body and brought my legs up to cross in front of me so I was facing him fully.

“Nick, that’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?” He looked at me then with a face I had hoped I would never see again. I could feel my heart sink as the sincerity of his question dove into the core of my being.

“Nicky.” I took his hands and pulled him towards me until he was sitting in the same fashion. “You know that’s not true. Why would you say something like that?” He kept his eyes downcast as he shrugged. It was then I could see how long he’d been holding onto this, which only made the whole situation harder.

“It just took so long, you know?” His voice was small, but at least he was talking. “I…I just don’t know what happened, or why it happened. I mean, I still..” He cut himself off to look up at me. His eyes were so deep, so pure. In that moment there was a part of me that wished for his sake that I truly wanted to be with him, but I knew that I couldn’t make myself feel something that I didn’t already.

“Heh, you’ve-you’ve gotta know I’m still crazy about you.” An awkward smile came to his face as he reached up and removed the bobby pins that held my bangs in place. His hands were gentle, just like I remembered them, my bangs tumbled in breeze that was making its way through town.

“Nick. Did you really think I stopped caring about you?” My question seemed to surprise him. “I still care, but. When we got together, it wasn’t us. It was us, plus half the town.” Nick’s posture had improved when I confirmed my feelings, but it returned to the way it had been when I inadvertently shot him down. The following silence was dull, but at least the worst was over, or so I hoped.

“Will you still be my dance partner?” He asked me, the old Nicholas was back, which sent a wave of relief through me. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him.

“Of course I will. You’re the only one I trust not to grab my ass.” He chuckled as he pulled me closer. We were still best friends, with maybe something extra. Helping me to my feet, we took the paved path back to the streets of town. “Hey,” I called with my hand out stretched. “walk me home?”

Nicholas smiled at me with warmth, kissed my forehead and led the way when it occurred to me. “Say, Nick?”

“What’s up, Ace?”

“On a scale of one to ten, how complicated would you say being a guy is?”